Somehow: Thoughts On Love

In Conversation With Anne Lamott

“Many years ago,” said best-selling author Anne Lamott, “Ram Dass said, ‘We’re all just walking each other home.’” I am a Buddhist, not a Christian like Lamott, even though All Saints Church in Pasadena is my spiritual home. The ceilings soar, the Tiffany windows glow, and the floors shine in a building celebrating its 100th anniversary. However, I wasn’t there for the centenary; I was front-most, center-most as part of a near-capacity crowd to see Anne Lamott in conversation with All Saints Rector Mike Kinman. The event, sponsored by Vromans, was to celebrate her 20th book, “Somehow: Thoughts on Love,” which is now a NY Times bestseller and an Amazon’s Editors Pick for best nonfiction.

All Saints was the perfect venue, as Lamott is regarded by many as a prophet of love. If you don’t know her work, don’t think Lamott’s love is gooey and sappy — it’s down to earth and, in the tradition of jesters, effortlessly comic, speaking truth to power. Truth can be ridiculous sometimes and almost always paradoxical. As the saying goes, “Tragedy plus time equals comedy,” and Lamott points out the absurd without being mean about it.

Ms. Lamott said she’d take two questions at the end of her talk. I raised my hand. She amended it when she saw how passionate I was, “OK, three.” I stand up.

“I have a friend who I love deeply. (I begin to weep.) She’s a MAGA person. It breaks my heart. She’s pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, she’s liberal on all social issues. Despite those things, she adores Trump and will vote for him. It’s such a disconnect! I’m confounded and hurt. We’ve agreed to never talk about Trump. And I truly love her… how do I handle this? Could you give me some advice?” From the stage, she says, “Here comes a hug,” and then, almost instantaneously (and not rehearsed), Mike Kinman swoops in and gives me a soulful, warm hug as I weep.

Anne continues, “I know how hard it is. My brother is a fundamentalist Christian, and there are entire realms where we can’t go. My brainpan can’t fathom how beautiful, intelligent people can vote for Trump. And then I remember that as insane and as evil as I believe Trump is, I also remember that he is as loved and is as much of a child of God as the newest baby is.” Remember that paradox piece. One thing that seemingly distinguishes liberals from conservatives is the ability to hold two opposing viewpoints in a tight embrace. Lamott also shared that when she sees Trump, she sees someone who has never experienced being loved. That explains his worship-mongering. Worship is not love; it’s idolatry, which is not what people feel when they experience love.

I’ve been brave since 2016 in keeping it together and not falling apart. I suspect I have kept a great deal of sorrow at bay as I watch the MAGA folks gleefully chip away at all the things I hold dear: people’s reproductive rights (family planning is for men, too!), Black and women’s history, gun control… the list is long. Oh, and books! Books are now in danger. Let that sink in if you’ve read this far. There are many Republicans out there who are pro-banning of books. Wow. How did we get here? My heart breaks over and over.

Anne boiled it down to a few comforting ideas as I continued weeping. The first was that God has an infinitely goofy sense of humor, putting my friend and me together. The whole crowd laughed at that.

Anne made us laugh and cry—and I mean all of us. After the event concluded, many people came up to me and said, “You spoke for me,” “What you said was about me and my siblings,” and “Thank you for saying what you said.” One woman I hadn’t seen for twenty years or so just held me, and we both sobbed.

The back jacket of “Somehow: Thoughts on Love” reads, “One day at a time, and somehow one hour at a time, love will be enough to see us through, get us back on our feet and dust us off. Love gives us a shot at being the person we were born to be.”

Lamott opens her book with her husband: “My husband said something a few years ago that I often quote: eighty percent of everything that is true and beautiful can be experienced on any ten-minute walk.” Lamott goes on to say, “Even in the darkest and most devastating times, love is nearby if you know what to look for. It does not always appear at first to be lovely but instead may take the form of a hot mess or a snoring old dog or someone you have sworn to never, ever forgive… But mixed in will also be familiar signs of love: wings, good-hearted people, cats (when they are in the right mood), a spray of wildflowers, a cup of tea.”

I came away with my love for my MAGA friend intact and a willingness to re-acquaint myself with paradox. I vowed to walk for at least 10 minutes daily and find the miraculous. I promise I will hold your hand as we walk each other home.

Ellen Snortland teaches creative writing online and has a few rare openings in her classes. To get more information regarding tuition and schedule, she can be reached here.